It is strange when you know that an end is coming, the end of a relationship, the end of a job or school. The feeling is usually the same. Uncertainty is there whether you acknowledge it or not. Some handle it differently than others, I myself withdraw from society sometimes all together. Mostly I just keep low key and wait for the end to get here, move on with my life and figure out what is around the next crescendo. I have no idea why I do this, and if one of my psychology friends has any insight, I would greatly appreciate a sound reason why I consciously do this.

I am not whining or complaining, I am not being emotional. I think honestly I get excited about the future and forget to live in the now. I try to not get involved with anyone any more than I am, it makes change a little easier. The last time I really got in a bad way over change was the Summer of Love back in 2005. It was such an emotionally inspirational summer full of wine and laughter. A group of poets and artist living an endless summer that ended. I knew that there would never be anything else like that in my life, because it was the first. The first summer that I found myself and my friends. I am a lucky one because a friend recorded an album that cast that summer into a beautiful rhythm of rock and roll love. But I knew that it could not fully be recreated. It hurt when we moved out of the three bedroom townhouse that sheltered 9 bohemians, more so got kicked out. We were semi squatting in the place. It was a fun summer that taught me a lot on life and love. I will never forget it.

I think I am getting all reminiscent on the past because of the Wonder Years. For some reason or another, I thought I would download the full six seasons and relive a childhood of summers that I remember to be some of the best times of my life. The pinnacle of these memories was somehow connected with the final episode so I thought I would give it a go. I remember sitting in my house on Lawndale with the June night air flowing through the living room windows as we sat in anticipation to see if Kevin and Winnie would be together forever. I was 11 when the show finished in 1993, going into 7th grade. While the rest of the family was drawn into the show, I sank deeper and deeper into the couch at the back of the living room, crying silently while the final monologue was explaining that Kevin’s dad had died, all of his friends went off to other schools and he didn’t wait for Winnie. Even at 11 years old, I knew that this show was right, nothing would ever just be. Everything is changing constantly and nothing is certain, nothing is guaranteed. So why, when I know this, do I not embrace it and take on the coming change? More importantly why do I withdraw myself from the relationships that I have made during the season? Anyway, as the last episode of the Wonder Years came to a close this time around, I felt myself let go of the memory of that summer in 1993. I don’t necessarily know if that is a good thing or not.

I don’t think I am alone on this subject. Well maybe with the Wonder Years, but on the subject of withdrawal from the present in the dawn of a new season. I have heard this from people that put in their two weeks notice at jobs. “I’m just getting burnt out.” Then with that attitude really have to struggle to get through those remaining weeks. I wonder why people go through this. If you know please leave a comment with some insight.

Oh by the way, that is what I am feeling right now.